McLean

Hello, Mountain Zone. After something like 36 hours of travel and flying literally halfway around the world, we finally made it back to our homes last Friday. Although it's great to be back, it's admittedly a bittersweet return and not the ending that any of us would have wanted or expected.

Shishapangma

Less than a day after landing in Salt Lake City, three of us made our way up to Montana to attend a memorial service for friends and family of Alex Lowe. There were about 400 people present and the event took place in a beautiful Montana ranch setting, pressed up against a mountain range that I'm sure Alex had thoroughly explored. The variety of people that attended was a real tribute to Alex's life — next door neighbors, teachers, climbers, coworkers, kids, grandparents, locals and people from as far away as Japan. Even though Alex's climbing feats were legendary, they were a distant second to how people felt about him as a person — he was just an amazing guy that instantly inspired people and made the world a better place.

On a rational level, I can accept the fact that he and David have died, but emotionally, it's hard to think that I'll never get another 5am phone message from him along the lines of 'Andrew, I know this Alpine Big Wall that needs to be done. There aren't that many of these things left and we need to get on it ASAP.'

After the accident, the expedition kind of fell apart under its own weight. With Alex and David being buried on the glacier, we would have to walk across to get to the chute, and with Conrad incapacitated with injuries, the will to go on was gone. There was no democratic discussion about retreating — things just naturally started flowing downhill and people followed. Since then, I've often wondered if we should have stuck it out. On one hand, we had put in weeks (and even years) of effort to get established at ABC and there was nothing we could do about the tragedy. On the other hand, it was a daunting project that would take a level of mental and physical commitment that were no longer there. I also wonder if we might have been there a little too late in the season. In the last few days we were there you could see long plumes of snow being blown off the summit of Shishapangma — a condition described as "flying the surrender flag" by Chris, another American that was there trying to climb the peak. When we left Base Camp, there were two groups still trying the south side of the peak and it will be interesting to see how they fared.

Shisha Glowing

So, my first trip to the Himalayas turned out to be far from ideal, and painfully close to reality. After spending years in the mountains, I was still amazed at the sheer size and beauty of them. I'll never forget the numb terror of seeing the speed and volume of the avalanche that consumed Alex and David, but I'll also never forget wrapping around a hill and catching my first sight of an 8000-meter peak as it glowed in the afternoon sun. While I was walking around on the glacier trying to find my friends, it was obvious to me that I needed to find something else to do with my life. Conrad claimed to have sworn off big snowy peaks and was listing his occupation as "Gardener." But in retrospect, it seems that the farther I get away from mountains, the stronger the pull is towards them, and vice versa. When you are home, you want to be there, and when you are there, you want to be home.

On a different note, it was great to be associated with MountainZone.com on this trip. I think everyone really enjoyed the opportunity to write in and/or send photos, and share the experience with the world on a day-by-day basis. It's fascinating technology that allows you to use a solar charged computer and satellite phone to beam digital photos off into a stormy Tibetan night, and then get an email message back from your family! We have a bunch more photos to post from the trip and other teamsters are interested in sending in last dispatches, so it's not quite over yet...

Happy turns.

— Andrew McLean, MountainZone.com Correspondent

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