No Longer — Live from Nagano

A lot of weird stuff happened over there [click to zoom]

For all the covert actions, disguises and underground information excavation techniques Zone Team East had to employ to bring you the best Olympic alpine coverage on the web, it was worth it. No credentials, help from US Skiing or silly little earthquake could prevent us from bringing you our best.

Yeah, good disguise [click to zoom]

The Games came to Nagano, Japan with bullet train technology and world-renowned Japanese hospitality. I must admit we did overextend our "foreigner powers"¹ a bit. Sure we borrowed the army truck, those shuttle buses were full and we were sick of dealing with car chains. Then that other time we were late to the aerials so we told some IOC exec pilots that we were very important people and needed a lift...NOW that was cool!

We ate NO monkey brain [click to zoom]

We came to enjoy our behind-enemy-lines espionage, but we got paid back for all of our silliness by those Nagano monkeys who didn't seem to care who we were. They wanted to claw our eyes out just for an appetizer.

"Rumor has it they took their money in some Scottish card game then hosed them down..."

The Games also came with more hype than Michael Jackson's wedding and more influence than a Washington lobbyist. This got sickening. It really hit home for Zone Team East

&%&$! tourists [click to zoom]

when we saw a big ugly tower resurrected in the name of CBS in the middle of a sacred temple's courtyard.

Then there were the scalpers or should I say vultures. I know everyone has to make a living, but these guys hard sell, tall-tale, techniques were pitiful. Let's just say we were very hung over on sushi and sake with some guy yelling at us "20,000 Yen! It's the bloody O-lympics mate! This thing is going on right now!" We were completely unfazed and expressionless. We simply stared dumbfounded and used some other ticket we had for something else.

Hey VJ, Tough Life [click to zoom]

The niceness of the people was unbelievable. Bipartisan to a fault, they trained posses of kids to cheer for every country represented so no one would be left out. Then they stood out in the ever-changing Nagano weather awaiting an athlete to pass by to screech a horn at 'em. Karma's coming back full circle to the people of Nagano.

It what the Olympics are all about; bringing out the best in everyone. Inspiration was wafting through the air. If you weren't inspired by Hermann "The Herminator" Maier coming back and taking two golds after having soared over 25 meters and rag dolling through three retaining fences, there's something wrong with you.

And how about those Canadians. They brought their own plane loads of painted faced and drunken fans, sick with Olympic fever, to every event. But, for us it was all about the inspirational and forever shining Shannon Dunn, who despite all of snowboarding's anti-establishment, ganja praisin' hype; smiled and cheered the entire rain soaked path to the podium.

What can you say? [click to zoom]

Then no one even talked about those curling freaks even though they competed in tense, full day ice slipping madness. You should have seen these ladies party. They were not only easily out-drinking those hockey players, rumor has it they took their money in some Scottish card game then hosed them down with fire extinguishers. Then they made them take the blame for the whole thing.

The introduction of snowboarding into the Olympic world left me with mixed feelings. No competition can represent the intangible aspect of a big mountain surfing experience. Olympics are for organized sports. Shouldn't something like surfing be an Olympic sport first?

The IOC and FIS only took to boarding when the money loomed large and they were sure it wasn't a fad. Then Terje boycotted, Ross was found guilty of giving "thanks and praises"² at a party for a buried comrade, and Martin Frienadametz got lit and shared his beverage with a hotel switchboard. It was great.

They played Slapstick in the room later [click to zoom]

The Winter Olympics will take another turn in Utah in 2002. Since the IOC has now recognized body building and car racing, we could have muscle bound ice dancers and snowboarders smoking down slalom courses in Humvees and all in the name of pagans, athletes and competition. We'll be there wrapped in tights and lights in Mountain Zone's personal power sucking, computer powered geek-a-thon. See you there.

Well, it wasn't ALL work [click to zoom]

— Hans and Brent, Boarding in two feet of Squaw Valley (home of the 1960 winter Games) fresh for The Mountain Zone

¹foreigner powers n the ability to claim absurd ignorance and get idiotic insistence powers in a strange culture.
²thanks and praises v smoking hemp